Anyone who says the first step is the hardest must be crazzzzzy! Sure according to the laws of physics it takes more energy to initiate something like a reaction or to overcome potential energy. But once you get it going it takes endurance to keep it going which ultimately uses a lot more energy. Ask anyone who has went back to school after a sabbatical, a long career, or after having a family. Signing up and taking the first class seems like the hardest part but to me its the next ten classes, the next cold your child gets when you have a paper to write, or the realization that you have to fit in some quality time with the hubby at some point. It's at this time, somewhere in the middle of you goals or journey, that you are ready to ..... (you fill in the blank) lose it? Throw in the towel? Run from the scene? SNAP!?
It's the maintenance of life that I have the most challenging time with personally. The day-to-day-to day-to-day-to-day-to-day stuff that I have not been able to master. I am just not management material. I'm more of a leader. I can see the big picture, motivate and enthuse. Sometimes I feel that I am barely hanging on by a thread mentally. That's how I know that I am out of my element as a stay-at-home mom.
My children are beautiful, wonderful, and brilliantly made. But people are trained to do particular things such as practicing law, medicine, spelunking, and schooling children particularly below the age of 6. Let the professionals do what they love and are trained to do for heavens sake! What's wrong with that? Mothers do not have to be equipped to do everything. It's unrealistic and detracts from motherhood when we are expected to be everything to everyone without getting weary.
I know for sure that biblical women had maidservants to help with childcare and housework so that they could be "the virtuous woman" and "rise up early" to go handle "business in the city." And you know what? She still earned the respect of her God, her family, and her community (Proverbs 31).
When we say that we could never be a certain profession like an artist or a high school teacher, we say it because we know our nature and our own temperament. This is the same for moms, we should know what we are capable of. Can we stay at home all day with our children? Some can. Can you cater to them morning, noon and night...for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and snacks)? Some can.
For me, some days are more productive and positive than others. But it is getting more challenging everyday. That is why instead of reaching my brink, I am making plans to switch out of my role. I am recruiting those who are trained to consistently stimulate the minds of children and who has the energy and equipment to do so efficiently so that I can have some me time, thinking time, reinvention time. Whatever you want to call it. Because if you are not mentally present, you're not present. So I am listening to myself instead going against my natural self.
My two week trip is the beginning of this transition. I am counting down the days, 6 to be exact. I will be able to think clear and completed thoughts, sleep in, go out, stay in, socialize, and not socialize. Oh and of course attend my classes and seminars during the day since the main purpose is for my graduate school conference requirement.
When you know yourself, go with your intuition, and make the decision to keep yourself sane. You only have one mind after all.
You are brilliant my dear! You made me laugh and say Mmm-hmm the whole way through. Glad you are finding yourself again. She was always there. Just waiting to find some space from diapers and the constant wonder "are they going to do what I ask the FIRST TIME I ask?"
ReplyDeletelove,
jjs