You know you have to reevaluate your life when you crash into a pole. In broad daylight. In a parking lot. It's like the universe is telling you... No forcing you to STOP! PAY ATTENTION! SLOW DOWN!. Determining what to stop becomes the challenging part once you regain your senses.
I am all things to all people so it seems. A mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a teacher, and a student which contains of all the sub-roles that come with these primary roles. I grapple with wanting to continue to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) and a graduate student on a daily basis because I just don't get how to do it on a continuous basis with a gleeful heart.
I hear Dr. Laura who "praises stay at home moms." I hear Suze Orman who says "get your butt out there and work if you have debt." I hear my children clamouring for my attention every moment of the day wanting mental and physical stimulation which they have grown accustomed to getting. And I hear the little voice in my head saying to retain my "sense of self" which seems to wilt on a daily basis. Keeping afloat mentally is a challenge. How do you decide what to do when the universe is speaking to you? It's hard to listen when your thoughts are dominated by the ceaseless requests and expectations of others.
Perhaps next week I'll hear the answer on my first solo trip for two weeks away from it all. Perhaps I'll be able to hear the answer and have an epiphany. Because when you hit a pole, you'd be crazy not to listen for the answer. Stayed tuned for that daily blog on my mini hiatus revolution.
Sounds like a real juggling act. I hope you're bringing a journal with you on your trip.
ReplyDeleteYes. I will be revealing my mental evolution everyday. So stay tuned.
ReplyDeleteWell dear daughter, hitting a pole was truely a wake up call in my opinion. It seems to me that you may have blanked out for a few minutes, which is not at all unusual when one has a thousand and one things to think about. I'm just thankful that no one was hurt. I agree that you should take a little time for yourself. Go on your little trip to Minnesota for your school and mingle with classmates and professors where you'll be able to get the academic and social stimulation that you need right now. After that, I believe that you'll be able to deal much better with the daily grind of minding the household and all of it's challenges. Just remember, nothing lasts forever. Children grow up, husbands mellow out even more as they age and you will change as well, and get more wiser. Something to look forward to right?
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